Summary: Lessons in Decision Making

Lessons in Decision Making:  In the past nine posts, lessons for presenting the principles of decision making have been shared.  This is a summary of those lessons with links to each one.  Hopefully this summarizing post can assist you in presenting these principles and skills to your children.  

Time spent in discussion and practice between parent and child is important as these precepts are taught.


Lesson 1:  Lessons in Decision Making


Lesson2:  Learning about Decisions


Lesson 3:  What is My Will?


Lesson 3B:  A Character Development Story:  I'll Do it Later


Lesson 4:  Determination and Decision Making


Lesson 5:  My Conscience


Lesson 6:  Reason's Role in Decision Making


Lesson 7:  The Three Questions of Decision Making 


Lesson 8:  Keeping Moods and Feelings in their Proper Place


Lesson 9:  Dealing with Peer Pressure

Keeping Moods and Feelings in their Proper Place

Keeping Moods and Feeling in their Proper Place
Part 8


Learning the process of decision making is a valuable part of character development.  Right decisions put us on the road to a happy and productive life.  Wrong decisions hinder our process in growing into productive citizens and becoming individuals with integrity.  


We have learned that there are three aspects to decision making.  CONSCIENCE is my understanding of RIGHT and WRONG.  We have learned that it must be trained.  This happens through the teaching of wise parents and role models and by God's HOLY BIBLE.  WILL is the part of me that DECIDES "I will" or "I will not".  Sometimes WILL is called HEART'S DESIRE.  And my REASON asks "What are the facts?" and "Would it make good sense to do it?".  


There is another factor that people sometimes use to make decisions, but this factor really should not be considered.  Unfortunately, some people use this as their main reason for making a decision and they ignore the WILL, REASON, and CONSCIENCE.  Our feelings must be kept on the sidelines or they can really get in the way and keep us from making wise decisions.  Have you heard the saying that FEELINGS are FICKLE?  FEELINGS are a part of who we are.  God created us with FEELINGS, but He didn't intend that FEELINGS control how we make decisions.  FEELINGS serve other purposes in our lives.  


Your FEELINGS and MOODS are your REACTIONS to things and people around you.  Decisions should never be based upon REACTIONS.  Some FEELINGS you may have are happy, sad, angry, grumpy, extravagant, lazy, and so on.  It is important to ask yourself these questions:


Do my moods and feelings control me?


Am I a slave to my moods and feelings or am I free?


Use the questions below to help you determine if you use your moods as an excuse for your behavior.  In each situation, tell which mood is being given attention (happy, sad, angry, grumpy, extravagant, lazy).


1)  I know I can't really afford it, but I just had to have it!

2)  It's no use (sniff) because things will really never get any better (sob, sigh).

3)  I will teach you!  (WHAM!)

4)  I was so mad at him, I hit him without thinking.

5)  No, you can't make me.  I don't want to.  That won't help.  Leave me alone.  Go away.

6)  I know it needs to be done, but I'm just not in the mood to do anything.  Maybe tomorrow.


What other feelings or moods can you think of that can be added to the list?


Can you think of any feelings or moods that might not get in the way of making a wise decision?  (There are two:  happy moody and cheerful moody).  Why do you think these two would not get in the way?

Dealing with Peer Pressure

Dealing with Peer Pressure
Part 9


Even though we can learn how to make wise decisions and choose to do the right thing, sometimes PEER PRESSURE gets in the way.  Our friends may suggest that we do things or go places that we may decide are not right.  It can be hard to tell a friend NO.  Sometimes children and teens even ask their parents to please "say I cannot go there" or "do a specific thing" because it is easier to have a person in authority back them up in their decision.  But, there are some tools that can be learned that can help children and teens as they deal with PEER PRESSURE.  

By practicing the technique offered in this tool, support can be gained in making dealing with friends who don't want to do the right thing.


Here is an example:

• Friend:  Hey, let's go back behind the church during prayer meeting.  I have a cigarette that I got from Mark and we can see what it is like to smoke.
• You:  No, that's against my parents rules and it is bad for our health.  If I went with you and we got caught, my parents would ground me for a long time!  They might even say that we cannot be friends any more.  And it would be bad for our lungs. 
• You:  Instead, why don't we see if Mr. Jones needs help operating the video equipment tonight during prayer meeting.  Maybe he will let us do the actual filming tonight.
• Friend:  I'd rather go behind the church and smoke.
• You:  I'm going into the church to talk to Mr. Jones.  If you change your mind, I will be there and will let you help me run the video camera.  I hope to see you there.

When a friend suggests doing something that you don't feel is right, these are the steps.


1)  Name the trouble.


No, I don't want to do that because it is (illegal, theft,  vandalism, against family rules, possession by a minor, assault, unkind to others, etc).  


By naming the trouble, you are expressing the bottom line or the nitty-gritty of the situation.  You are making it real.

2)  Name the Consequences

If we got caught we could (get a fine, be kicked of the soccer team, be arrested, have our driver's licenses taken away, etc.)


By naming the consequences you are using alerting your friend to the seriousness of the situation.  You are helping him/her see what could happen if you get caught.


3)  Present an Alternative

What could you do instead of the "trouble"?  Think of things that your friend(s) might like to do instead of what they are offering (go roller skating, visit Susan and play a game with her, ride our bikes to the top of the canyon road and back, take my video camera and film one another jumping dirt piles with our bikes, play kick ball, etc.).


4)  Act upon your decision and give your friend an "out" to make the right choice as well.


Tell them that you are choosing the alternative to the trouble they have named.  Allow them the freedom to make their own choices, but suggest alternatives and give them the opportunity to do the right thing.


Remember to:


Name the Trouble
Name the Consequences
Present an Alternative
Offer the Friend an Out

SPEND TIME with your parent(s) or with friends, practicing the "trouble-consequence-alternative" technique.  Take turns thinking of "trouble" and then think up "consequences" and "alternatives".  Practice so much that this process becomes easy and instant for you!  When it does, you will feel much more confident in responding when your friend(s) suggest trouble.  


Remember that sometimes it is wise for you to talk to your mom or dad about what happened.  They can help to reaffirm your choice(s) and may have suggestions for helping your friend make right choices too.  When illegal activities are chosen by your friend, your parent may feel it best to talk to your friends parents or to authorities.  

The Three Questions of Decision Making

The Three Questions of Decision Making
Part 7

There are three questions to ask before making a decision.  They are:


1)  Do I have all the facts?  [Reason]
2)  Is it right? [Conscience]
3)  Do I really want it? [Will]


By remembering to ask these three simple questions, we can make wiser decisions.  If you can ask YES to each question, you know that you are making the right decision.  But if the answer to any of these questions is NO, then the wisest answer is probably no.  


Sometimes WILL is called HEART'S DESIRE.  It might be easier to remember the steps in the decision making process if you associate those words with your decision making process.


With your student, spend some time thinking of decisions that children (or teens) make on a frequent basis.  Start by making a list of decisions.  Then, together go through the decision making process using the questions above.  Remind the student that if there is a conflict, then the decision response should be NO.  Discuss why.

Here are some decision making situations to help you and your child get started:


1)  Buy the new computer game that all my friends are talking about.


2)  Wait to feed my pets until afternoon.


3)  Talk back to my piano teacher because I think she is too strict about how long I need to practice.

Continue practicing until you are confident that your child/teen has a clear understanding of how to apply these principles.  Review daily if necessary.


Remember, CONFLICT between the three questions related to REASON, CONSCIENCE, and WILL/HEART'S DESIRE is a RED FLAG in the decision making process.  CONSENSUS is necessary when making a decision that is wise. 

https://www.onlythebible.com/Bible-Gems/King-Will-and-three-judges.html

Reason's Role in Decision Making

Reason's Role in Decision Making
Lesson 6

Throughout these lessons, we have learned that teaching children about decision making is a process.  Helping them learn the steps in making  good decision assists them in the process of making wise decisions throughout their lifetime.  Having a decision making road map is a tool that valuable resource for them.  Today's lesson teaches about the role that REASON has in decision making.
* * *


Talking Points:


My WILL has another helper called REASON.  My REASON is the special gift that God gave to me so that I am able to THINK THINGS THROUGH before my WILL decides whether I WILL or I WILL NOT do something.  


My REASON uses FACTS.  It weighs EVIDENCE.  It tries to put all the pieces together like a picture puzzle and to MAKE SENSE out of everything.  

Your brain works in the same way to make wise decisions.  Your WILL has a helper called REASON.  REASON uses FACTS and weighs EVIDENCE.  It is what helps you MAKE SENSE out of everything.


Here is an example of how it works:


FACT:  I know that it isn't any fun at all to be sick or to have problems with my teeth.


FACT:  Besides being uncomfortable, going to a doctor or dentist costs a lot of money.  This money could be spent on other things like clothes, toys, or interesting books.  If I take good care of my teeth that money could be spent on these things.


FACT:  I know that eating lots of junk food can cause some serious problems with my general health, including my teeth.


FACT:  I know that there are some snacks that taste good and are also good for me.  God has created lots of different kinds of fruits, nuts, seeds, and vegetables that are delicious!  They are much better for my health and teeth than junk food snacks.

My REASON weighs the evidence and then answers the question:


Does it MAKE SENSE to eat a lot of junk food just because it tastes good?  This part of decision making relies upon the INTELLECT.

When DECISION MAKING, WILL and CONSCIENCE play a role along with REASON.  


My CONSCIENCE tells me whether it thinks it would be RIGHT or WRONG.

Even with REASON and CONSCIENCE, my WILL is still free to decide I WILL or I WILL NOT eat the junk food.  If WILL does not ignore REASON and CONSCIENCE it will make a good choice.  But, WILL can ignore its two helpers and make poor choices.  


God created every person with the freedom to make CHOICES about how they will live their lives.  Do you like being so FREE?  This God-given freedom allows each human being to decide what they will do when it comes to making any decision.


Doesn't it make sense to keep WILL, CONSCIENCE, and REASON together in agreement?

My Conscience

My Conscience
Lesson 5

We have been studying about the "will".  We have learned what it is and what it does.  To review, let's read the following statements and decide if they are true or false.


My WILL is:


1)  something I need to understand (and it is quite simple to comprehend)


2)  not really important for me to understand


3)  something that is very difficult for any young person to understand


4)  something I have no control over


5)  my wish, even a tiny one, because my smallest wish can grow into whale size determination if I spend enough time wishing, hoping, dreaming, wanting, or even praying for it, as thinking about it feeds it


6)  my want, or my desire


7)  my firm determination


8)  the part of me that decides "I will" or "I will not"


Today we are going to learn about the HELPER that our WILL has.  It helps us decide what we WILL do and what we WILL NOT do.


This helper is called our CONSCIENCE.


Our verse for this lesson is:  Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee.  Psalm 119:1  


By studying the WHOLE Bible we experience the safest way to train our conscience.


My CONSCIENCE is what I THINK is right and wrong.  It is my UNDERSTANDING of good and evil.  A person's CONSCIENCE must be TRAINED to tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong.  Someone must TEACH it about good and evil.


Which of these people or things can teach you and train YOUR CONSCIENCE?  Discuss your answers with your parent(s).  Explain your answers.  Remember, some of these people or things are reliable and trustworthy.  There are others that we must be careful about what we learn from them.  Discernment must be used.


1)  my mother

2)  my father


3)  my older brothers or sisters


4)  the radio station I select


5)  the books I read

6)  the television programs I watch


7)  the stories I read in magazines


8)  the pictures I choose to see


9)  the games I like to play


10) my grandparents


11) my aunts and uncles


12) my babysitter


13) my pastor


14) the friends I choose


15) people I admire


16) my Bible


17) my favorite daydreams


All of these people or things can teach you the truth about what is right or wrong.  But, it is important to realize that you must be careful who and what you trust to do this important job.  Thankfully, God will never fail you and His word, the Bible, is trustworthy.  

In your own words, tell what CONSCIENCE is and tell HOW you develop it.

Determination & Decision Making

Determination & Decision Making
Part 4

Discussion starter:  Think about any recent decisions you have made.  Recall how you fed (or starved) your "wish fish".  Talk about the wisdom or foolishness of your choice to feed (or starve) this particular wish fish.  What were the advantages and/or consequences of your decision.  Talk about what might have been if you had not fed (or starved) your fish.  Children and teacher-parent can each share the answers to these questions and talk about the choices that were made.


Lesson Review:  We have learned about our "will" and that it is the part of us that decides things.  We choose "I will" or "I will not".  Our determination do or have something usually starts with a wish that grows when we feed it by spending time thinking about it.  We want to FEED the good little "wish fish" so that they will grow into a DETERMINATION to do right.  But we want to STARVE the "wish fish" that could grow up into dangerous desires.  


Let's learn more about how we feed or starve these wish fish.  In each situation below, tell if the "wish fish" is being FED or STARVED. 


1)  think about it all the time


2)  daydream about it


3)  keep our minds busy thinking about a better kind of fish


4)  pray for it


5)  spend time wishing and hoping for it


6)  talk about something else with our friends


7)  crowd it out of our minds


8)  read books about it


9)  concentrate on something good instead  


What kind of person do you want to be?  Have you spent time thinking about it?  How do you want to act?  In each situation below, choose the word or words that DESCRIBE your DETERMINATION.  Talk about your answers.


A)  I will/will not play fair.


Talking points:  Name some benefits of playing fair.  Name some disadvantages of cheating.  Are there any disadvantages to playing fair?  Are there any real advantages to cheating?


B)  I will/will not sulk and pout.


Talking points:  Do you admire someone who sulks and pouts when they don't get everything they want?


C)  I will/will not care for my pets.


Talking points:  Can you learn anything from caring for your pets?  What specifically?


D)  I will/will not respect authority.


Talking points:  Who does this mean for a one-year-old?  Who does this mean for you?  Who can you add to the one-year-old's list?  Is this evidence that you are growing up?  Is there anyone on your parents' list that is not on your list yet?


Key words:  parents, grandparents, teachers, police, babysitter, employer  


E)  I will/will not do my chores cheerfully.


Talking points:  Have you ever done your chores cheerfully?  Have you ever grumbled your way through them?  Which way is best for you?  Why?


F)  I will/will not try to get even.


Talking points:  Can you ever REALLY "get even"?  How?  What price might you pay if you TRY to "get even"?  


Key scripture helps (click on link):  Exodus 21:23 - 25 * Matthew 5:39 * Luke 6:29 * Leviticus 19:18 * Romans 12:19 - 20


Continue your discussion in the same manner as you did for the previous key points.


G)  I will/will not forgive you.


H)  I will/will not say "NO!" to drugs.


I)  I will/will not take God's advice.


J)  I will/will not share with you.


K)  I will/will not stir up trouble.


L)  I will/will not cheat so I can win.


M)  I will/will not remind you of your past mistakes.


N)  I will/will not help you.


O.)  I will/will not make fun of others.


P.)  I will/will not hurt God's animals.


Q.)  I will/will not take foolish dares.


Something to think about:  The choices we make determine who we are.  Describe a person that you think would make a good neighbor.  Ask yourself if YOU are the kind of person that angels would be glad to see move into the house next door.  

What is My Will?

What is My Will?
Part 3


The will has a very strong influence upon any decision that a person makes.  Your will is your WISH, your DESIRE, what you  WANT, your DETERMINATION.  Think of it as a very tiny fish.  Think about feeding that tiny fish and spending time with it.  After awhile, the tiny "wish" fish becomes a bigger and bigger "want" fish.  If you keep on feeding it by thinking about it more and more, eventually it will become a WHALE size DETERMINATION!  So, it is important that we choose carefully about which "wish fish" we feed and which ones we choose to leave alone.  Even the smallest "wish fish" can grow into whale size determination.  It is very important for us to realize which wish fish are safe to feed and which ones could grow up into dangerous desires.


Here are some questions to think about.  What makes a wish grow into a want, and finally into determination?  In other words, what does the fish food represent?


Some of our "wish" fish need to be fed.  For example:  "Mom looks so tired.  I wish I could help her."  What other "wish" fish thoughts can you think of that should be fed?


Some of our "wish" fish need to be starved!  For example:  "I wish I could get even!  I am so mad and I'd surely like to show them who's best!"  What other examples of "wish" fish can you think of that should be starved?


In the Bible, there are stories about people who showed great determination to do right.  Daniel and his three friends are a good example of young people who used their "will" to make right choices.  Instead of choosing the unhealthy food that the king provided, they asked for fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes.  To the royal court, these were considered plain food, more fit for paupers than anyone in the king's household.  But Daniel and his friends used their wills to help them stay strong and make choices according to what they believed was right.  They ended up being healthier and stronger than all the other young men in the king's care.  Their superior health and performance was a natural result or consequence of taking care of their bodies by good nutrition, rest, exercise, water, and sunshine.  They discovered that by following God's natural laws they reaped great benefits because God's laws make sense.  This experience helped them to realize that  God doesn't say things like "you better take care of your bodies or I will be angry with you".  Instead they learned that God says things like "please take care of your bodies, or they won't work as well for you as they could."  God doesn't impose His will on us, forcing it to become our will.  Instead, he loves us and gently shows us the best way.  He gives us the power of choice.  We can use our will in any way we choose.  But by making wise decisions about how we will use our will, we can reap results as good as those experienced by Daniel and his three friends.


There are other stories that you can read about in the Bible that show of WHALE SIZE determination to do right!  You can read some of these stories here (click on link):


The Fiery Furnace

The Lion's Den

Good Kings Joash and Josiah


In Psalm 40:8 it says "I delight to do thy will, O my God. . .your law is within my heart."  Why will I enjoy following God's advice for me?  The "law in my heart" means that I agree with God.  In the highest sense of freedom available to anyone, I choose to do what He asks because I understand that it is the best for me.  It makes sense to do it.  Why would I want to choose any other way?


The Bible also says, in Philippians 4:8, that "Whatsoever things are true and honorable and right. . .think of things."  This verse of scripture is suggesting some good "wish fish" that we should feed.  How can this verse help you decide which are the good fish that are safe to feed?


My WILL is the part of me that DECIDES "I will" or "I will not".  Our determination to do or have something usually starts with a wish that grows when we feed it by spending time thinking about it.


In or next lesson we will learn about determination. 
  

Learning about Decisions

Learning about Decisions
Part 2




Lesson for children:




What decisions have YOU made today?




Do you think that any of them were important?




Were some of them easy choices?




Were any of them difficult to make?  Which ones?




Why are some decisions more difficult to make than others?




All of us make decisions every day.  We decide when to get up, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to  do, and how we will respond to the words and actions of others.




Some decisions may affect us for no more than a few seconds or minutes.  The consequences of other choices may be felt for the rest of our lives.  Often the decisions we make have an impact upon the lives of others too.




If we will take the time to discover how to make better choices and wiser decisions, we can enjoy more satisfying lives.  By making wiser choices we can be better people.  Those around us who share the consequences of our decisions may also benefit greatly.




In the future, will be spending some time learning about how decisions are made.  You will get to know your WILL, your REASON, your CONSCIENCE, and your MOODS.  You will discover how they all interact when you make decisions.  And you will learn which ones sometimes get in the way of making the wisest choices.




Let's go through a list of decisions that you make during your lifetime and talk about them.  Then let's decide these things:




1)  Which decisions would affect you for just a few seconds or minutes?




2)  Which ones could have lifetime consequences?  What are they?




3)  Which ones could affect the lives of other people too?  In what ways?




Here's the list of decisions we will be talking about:




A)  to buckle your seat belt or not
B)  to spend all your money or to save some




C)  to play fair or to cheat
D)  to eat nutritious food or junk food




E)  to take care of your things or to neglect them
F)  to do your best or to do only enough to get by




G)  to put yourself first or to consider the rights of others
H)  to watch lots of TV or to read and play active games




I)  to do your share or to leave the job for someone else
J)  to experiment with harmful substances like alcohol, drugs, and tobacco or to leave them alone




K)  to pick friends who are a positive influence or to choose friends who are wild and don't follow the rules
L)  to do your homework or to think of only having fun




M)  to make fun of others or to consider their feelings




By examining how you answered these questions, analyze yourself and decide if you make wise or sad choices.  Discuss how you perceive your ability to make wise decisions with your mom or dad.

Lessons in Decision Making

Lessons in Decision Making
Part 1

Teaching children about decision making is a process that can be challenging, yet rewarding as we see them learn to make wise choices about the things in their lives that affect them.   You can introduce this subject by asking them a few questions that will open their minds for discussion.  They are:

1)  What decisions have you made today?  Can you tell what they were?

2)  Do you think that any of them were important decisions?  Why or why not?

3)  Were some of them easy choices?  Difficult ones?  What made them easy or hard?

By creating a list of possible decisions that your child might make, discussion is facilitated and they can help decide how a response can have effects that can make a difference.  Here are some examples:

Decision:  to by a yellow balloon or a purple one

Does the answer to this decision have a consequence that can last a short time?  or a lifetime?

Who is affected?  Me, others, or both?

Decision:  to wear a blue sweater or a green one

Does the answer to this decision have a consequence that can last a short time?  or a lifetime?

Who is affected?  Me, others, or both?

Decision:  to drive my bike (or car) recklessly or carefully

Does the answer to this decision have a consequence that can last a short time?  or a lifetime?

Who is affected?  Me, others, or both?

By responding to these questions, children can determine that some choices in the decision making process are more important than others.  Take this time to talk with your children about some of the specific decisions they have made recently.  Then, have them think of at least one specific example for each of the decision making processes below:

1)  a slow, thoughtful, deliberate decision

Example:  Sally took an hour looking at every Father's Day card in two stores before deciding which one was exactly right for her special Dad.

2)  a snap decision, made with almost no thought at all

Example:  Luke accidentally bumped into Mark on the playground during recess and knocked him down.  Instantly Mark was shouting angry insults at Luke.  Then he deliberately pushed Luke backwards so that he fell to the ground.

3)  a default decision made simply by remaining undecided until it is too late to act

Example:  Linda couldn't decide whether she wanted to get dressed up to go shopping with Mother or go with Julie's family to the park across town.  She was undecided for so long that Julie's family left without her and it was too late for her to get dressed up to go with Mother.  She had to stay home with her younger brother and a babysitter.

Discussion points:  Explore the differences between natural consequences and imposed penalties.  Sometimes parents protect very young children from dangerous natural consequences by threats of less severe imposed penalty simply because children can understand them better.  For example, a child might not understand the dire consequences of running into the path of an oncoming car, but they might understand and respect an imposed penalty like having a privilege taken away.  

God has children of all ages, and the Bible speaks to us all.  Sometimes God threatens us with punishment, but He wants us to grow up enough to understand the reasons behind His advice.  His rules are to protect us from dangerous natural consequences.  His advice makes good sense if we will just look for the evidence.  God wants us to obey because we agree with Him, not because we are afraid of Him.