Kids are Copycats

When a family decides to home educate, one of the first questions other people ask is, "what about socialization"?  Our culture assumes that children must spend daily time with peers in order to develop social aptitudes and skills.  Although a homeschool family instinctively knows that daily peer interaction isn't a necessity in developing social skills, it is sometimes difficult to know how to respond to this question.  Dr. Raymond Moore, the grandfather of homeschooling in America, authored many books and gave many seminars on home education.  He spoke confidently about the positive socialization of homeschooled children.  His premise was that children are more properly socialized by responsible adults who model mature behavior than by immature peers who are still developing their responses to the individuals around them.  Having a well-thought out response can help the homeschool parent deal with questions of socialization confidently and easily.  Sometimes all it helps to remind extended family and other curious adults that your children have appropriate peer interaction at church, music lessons, 4H, by participation in community service projects, and  involvement youth group like Pathfinders, Awana, and Scouts.  These are situations that can be guided by adults who can be alert to bullying, immature behavior, and thoughtlessness.  It is also helpful to have facts and figures from research on the tip of your tongue, so you can reassure others that your children really will turn out to be socially balanced young people and adults, even though they are homeschooled.  In fact, research shows that homeschooled children can have superior socialization because of it!  According to one study, children taught at home by their parents do not lag in social development when compared with those of the same age who attend conventional schools.  The behavior and social development test scores of children traditionally schooled and homeschooled showed that children taught at home by their parents have consistently fewer behavioral problems.  The findings also revealed that a child's social development depends more upon adult contact and less on contact with other children.  This conclusions affirms what Dr. Moore taught about socialization.  The study also suggested that children taught at home behaved better because they tended to imitate their parents [Kids Stuff, 93].  Isn't it reassuring to have research facts to back up what most parents instinctively realize about socialization of their children?        

The First Crucial Years

"During the first crucial eight years, home should be the child’s only nest and parents the teachers for their children.  These are the early years when the child requires affection and emotional security more than learning skills, when he should be able to get ready for life unfettered by school rules."

 

Dr. Raymond Moore

Better Late Than Early, page 3

Assigning Chores and Making them Interesting

Family chores are tasks that contribute to keeping a household run smoothly.  They are duties that the whole family participates in, not just mom, dad, or children.  Certain tasks may always belong to specific individuals in the family, but the others can be divided up and traded off to make things more interesting for everyone.  When working with children, it is important to remember that they are best motivated with mom or dad work with them.  This doesn’t mean that the parents are doing the children’s chores, but rather that everyone has a designated time when they are all doing their assigned chores.
 
Some chores are automatic and should be done routinely every day.  When waking up in the morning, children can get dressed, comb their hair, make their bed, tidy their room, put their dirty clothes in the laundry room, feed the pets, and set the table for breakfast.  When required routinely these tasks become habit and over time they will happen automatically.  In our family, the rule was that pets always get fed before humans.  This included the sheep, pony, turkey, and chickens! 

Other tasks may not be so routine.  If there is more than one child in the family, it is more interesting to trade-off, especially is there are some jobs that are not as desirable as others.  Some of the techniques we used in our family for allotting chores were:

1.  Write down all the tasks that need done on individual slips of paper.  Take turns pulling a chore out of a hat, going back and forth until all the chores are selected.

2.  Make a list of chores that need done.  Take turns having the children choose which chores they would like to sign up for.  Use a different colored marker for each child and highlight those items they chose.  This gives them a sense of empowerment, as they get to choose their chores.  It’s true that these are the same chores that could simply be assigned.

3. Sign up for some chores and that are traded off weekly with another family member.  For example, empty the dishwasher for one week, and for the next week fill it.  Empty the wastebaskets in the house one week, and the next week sweep the kitchen floor.  Some chores won’t be as desirable as others, but the child knows that once his or her week is up, they get a break the next week while another family member does the task. 

4.  Allow for something interesting to happen while a chore is being done.  Folding laundry while watching a nature DVD turns the task into a family event.

5.  Occasionally make a game out of household chores.  Hide a surprise under objects that the child can find when dusting the furniture.  A nickel under a vase, a stick of sugarless gum behind a picture frame, or a coupon for a cookie from mom all provide incentive and challenge. 

6.  If the house has become cluttered, set the oven timer for 5 minutes and have everyone pick things up and put them away, counting how many objects they cared for.  Have a reward for the person that put the most things away.  The reward may simply be that mom or dad will do their next assigned chore.


7.  Another technique for a cluttered house is to give each person the task of putting away twenty things.  This is conducted like a race, seeing who can put away twenty things fastest.

8.  Teach children to put away things as they complete a project.  Toys, craft supplies, and school books used should be put away before they move on to another activity.  After a meal, have each family member take their dirty dishes to the sink.  It helps if they are asked to each choose three or four things on the table and carry them to the kitchen as well.


9.  Make a chore chart.  Give children a sticker for completing each chore.  At the end of the week, count their stickers.  Have a reward system where the children receive a prize for achieving their goal.  Stickers are not given for chores done in a complaining manner, even if the chore was eventually completed. 

10. Chores work best if done on a consistent schedule.  Our family found that the time between breakfast and starting school activities for the day worked best.  Generally an hour is enough time to allot for daily family chores. 

Age appropriate chores can be assigned from toddler years until a child leaves home.  They help to establish habits of good home management and the child will reap rewards for a lifetime!  Useful work is a strong component in educating the whole child.

Working Outside with Kids

Outside chores are valuable because they give a child the opportunity to expend energy in a useful and purposeful way.  Exercise, a sense of accomplishment, and a feeling of contribution to the family all result from age-appropriate tasks in the yard or garden.  Sometimes a parent might assign jobs outside simply because they need done and they think kids should do them.  I can remember stories in books that were written to develop character in children.  Often they were a variation of the same theme; a child who was supposed to hoe three rows of corn before they went to play, but got bored with the task and simply covered the weeds with fresh dirt.  In not time at all, the weeds took over the garden and their lack of diligence was made known.  Although there is nothing wrong with assigning rows of weeding, outside chores can be so much more!  They can be fulfilling, interesting, and even fun!  When a family works together in the yard or garden, a sense of teamwork and accomplishment result.  Weeding a flower bed with a sibling, or raking leaves with dad can create memories of companionship that will stay with a child for life.  Routines, incentives, and traditions also help children develop an enjoyment for working outside.  Over time, the skills learned can be applied to gainful employment as they reach the age that they can work for neighbors or others in the community, thus earning pocket-money of their own.  Here are some tips for working with children outside:


1.  Generally outside chores are done simply because a child lives in the home.  They are a part of their contribution to the family.  Sometimes extra chores are required outdoors, and those that are above and beyond routine maintenance can be compensated for with a reasonable amount of pay. 

2.  Traditions can make outdoor work meaningful.  In our family, it was tradition for Grandmother to come visit for a week during spring break.  During that week she would help her grandchildren till the soil for individual gardens, then take them to buy plants and seeds.  Together they would plant the gardens, adding whirligig, little fences, and pathways through the gardens.  After she went home, the gardens were carefully tended by the children because they had meaning to them.

3.  Payment for extra jobs provides incentive.  Weeding a flower bed can be a daunting task — unless mother pays 5 cents a weed for each one pulled up by the roots!  If a flower garden is too weedy and mother would go broke by paying that much per weed, another type of payment system could be used.  Twenty-five cents per section (marked by little flags or stakes) is good incentive.  Generally, it is not recommended that young children be paid an hourly rate for pulling weeds.  They will enjoy the experience more if they are allowed to work at their own pace, and mother will not feel the urge to be prodding them on constantly at their task.

4.  Sometimes tasks are not appreciated until something is taken away for a while.   In our family, mowing the lawn was the boys job once they became of appropriate age.  Sometimes dad would mow around the trees and edges, but the main lawn was a job the boys took turns doing.  Dad would follow-up with the weed eating.  Because dad had grown up with an old-fashioned push mower and a five acre lawn, he felt he was honoring his boys by providing them with a nice John Deere lawn mower and a lawn of less than two acres.  But, since they hadn’t experienced the push mower and larger lawn for themselves, they weren’t too impressed.  One day, the eldest decided that mowing the lawn was a task he did not want to do, and much grumbling took place.  Instead of lecturing and choosing a punishment that simply grounded him or took away a privilege, father decided that an object lesson would work the best.  He quietly, yet firmly removed the keys from the riding lawn mower and prepped the push-mower for action.  The son was set to work mowing the lawn by pushing rather than riding the lawn mower.  It was an effective lesson and the eldest never again complained about mowing the lawn. 

5.  A family afternoon of pruning shrubs and trees can be fun!  Hauling the branches to a place where they can dry or be dealt with later is interesting if they can be hauled with the riding lawn mower and attached trailer.  Burning branches that have dried creates a great campfire for roasting hot dogs and marshmallows as the evening nears.  Mixing work with pleasure can make a task less tedious.

6.  Giving a child task that shows them that a parent values their abilities lets them know you have confidence in them.  Giving them tools and instruction for replacing broken sprinkler heads or repairing a broken sprinkler pipe can relay the message that you value their capabilities and input.

7.  Simple jobs, like picking flowers and arranging them in a vase can provide beauty to the home and joy in the heart!

Gentle and Enthusiastic Parenting

 

One of my favorite authors is Anne Ortlund.  In addition to her book, Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman, she has written an excellent book titled Children Are Wet Cement.  In it she outlines gentle guidelines for parenting.   She encourages parents to help children experience life to the fullest, using all their senses to learn as they grow into beautiful adults.
 
“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an effector for good in society, to go courageously after God.”

Children Are Wet Cement, Anne Ortlund

Growing Uniquely

I planted a tree.  I knew about trees, so I gave it space to grow.
 
I planted a morning-glory vine.  I knew about morning glories, so I put a trellis next to it so it could cling and pull itself up.

I planted a tulip bulb, and because I knew about tulip bulbs.  I waited until spring before I looked for signs of growth.

I was blessed with a child.  Because I loved that child, I learned how he grew.  Once I knew, I provided the environment and resources that best facilitated his optimal and delightful development.

* * *

Each plant has its unique characteristics and can be expected to act and grow according to them.  In the same way, given the right elements, children will thrive and grow when given the proper tools.  The recipe of warm responsiveness, time within the family unit, and freedom to explore will create children who grow willingly, enthusiastically, and naturally.  Each child will thrive and grow in their own unique way when given the time and resources to do it!

Piaget, Advocate of Delayed Academics

Jean Piaget was a Swiss psychologist and philosopher who studied children from birth through adolescence. He lived from 1896 through 1980 and was influential among educators for decades. He was known for many things, but possibly the best for his theory of cognitive development and the way he advocated for delayed academic studies. His research forms the foundation of educational method that some specialists have built upon in the development of their own educational theories. Dr. Raymond Moore, the ‘grandfather of homeschooling’ in America, and his belief in delayed academic learning is one example of someone who used Piaget’s theories in the development of their educational theory.

Piaget believed that the way children processed cognitive thinking was different than that of youth and adults. He studied children by several methods. One was by researching and charting standardized test scores. Another was by studying his own three children and recording how they developed from birth through to adulthood. He observed children through all ages and stages, both in a learning environment, at work, and home.

His ultimate conclusion was that all children develop in stages and that each one will exhibit very distinct and certain patterns of cognition in each period of their growth and development. These patterns can be recognized as sequential and predictable for each age. He identified four developmental stages. As his theory advocates, they are: 

1) Sensorimotor stage (birth to age 2)

A this stage a child learns through sensation and movement. It is important that they experience touch, smell, taste, hearing, and things to see (colors, shapes, and faces). It is also important that they observe and experience movement at this age. Rocking a child is vitally important during this phase of development. At this stage, children are extremely self-centered and cannot see the perceive the world through the eyes of another. They let their needs be known by crying and requiring immediate attention. 

2) Preoperational stage (ages 2 – 7)

At this stage, a child cannot use logical thinking. These years are sometimes known as the years of magical thinking. Children from two to seven are beginning to master symbols such as language and are starting to be able to form conclusions based upon past experiences. Although initially egocentric at this age, this trait weakens as they grow older. During this stage of development, children are developing their motor skills. It is important to allow opportunity and experiences for this growth, and to not rush a child onto the next stage before mastery of motor skills is achieved.

3) Concrete operational stage (ages 7 – 12)

Children of this age are very concrete in their thinking. In fact, their thinking is limited to concrete experiences. They learn to generalize by drawing conclusions about one situation and applying it to another. As they mature through this stage, they begin to think logically, but that thinking is still very concrete in nature and with practical tools to assist them. Children at this age are no longer ego-centric. 

4) Formal operational stage (ages 12 – adult)

Children in this stage can now deal with abstractions, mental speculation, and the formation of hypotheses. Abstract reasoning occurs and they are able to think logically. They can keep watch or maintain in their thought processes. Abstract reasoning opens up the world of thinking to children at this stage.

The rate or speed of passing through these phases may vary, but the sequence of stages is consistent for all children. When choosing or designing curriculum for children, the method and materials should match the cognitive level of the child. It is important that these principles are applied to how a parent-teacher chooses to home educate the children in their care so that natural, purposeful, and successful learning can result. Rushing a child through one stage to the next can be counter-productive and effectively cause burn-out and learning difficulties for the child. From the studies of Jean Piaget we can conclude that it really is ‘better late than early’ when it comes to academic instruction.

Creating Natural Students

In the early years of the current homeschooling trend, the ability of a parent to teach their child academics was firmly challenged by those in the traditional school system. Homeschool skeptics argued that specialists were needed to teach children to read, write, and learn math. The talk in public school faculty lunchrooms frequently centered around a community members decision to home educate rather than to take advantage of all that the public schools had to offer. It is true that the public schools do offer many things to the children in our communities. For some families, a public education is the only alternative. But, when there is a willingness and opportunity for a parent to share in the educational process with their children, and home education is the result, much success and educational growth has been shown to occur. Over time, even many professional educators have admitted that the academic results of homeschooling can not be argued. Time after time, homeschooled children test above the national average in all areas and at all grade levels. If a homeschool family commits to education and spends time focusing on learning, children who are academically competent and who know how to think is the result. Homeschool families have a plethora of resources and methods to choose from. Each family educates using their own unique approach. Because of this, children obtain knowledge and skills at different rates and at widely differing ages. But, in the long run, what could be perceived as a lack of knowledge in an area at one age could mean nothing when looking at the broad view. Children develop naturally and according to their growth and learning spurts when homeschooled. A teacher-parent who educates purposefully within the scope of a child’s natural growth and interests creates a learning environment that is frequently spontaneous. Although a planned curriculum may be given (and reassures the teacher-parent that they are on schedule), a great deal of valuable learning occurs independently by the child outside of the planned lessons. Once a child has been shown how to learn what they need to know, they usually catch the spark and will continue to learn, gathering facts, information, and skills independently along the way. This is the best kind of learning! Learning becomes intrinsically theirs and becomes much more meaningful to them than some facts in a book. Higher levels of applied learning result, and the world awaits! The role of parent then becomes as a guide to stimulate learning, exploration, and an environment conducive to such. Patience, a willingness to answer questions, and the time to show the child how to learn for themselves are traits that will provide great dividends to the future of the child. With the right resources (time, energy, and materials) and attentive parents, the homeschooled child cannot help but take off as a student with great potential!

Children, the Most Precious Gift

Children are the most precious gift.  According to Psalm 127:3 they are a heritage.  It says that “children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.”

The dictionary defines gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; a present.
Such favor from God can only be appropriately met by placing much value upon it.  We can show our children that they are valued by loving, cherishing, and appreciating them.  Kind words, a gentle touch, and an ear that always listens can bless them and show them their merit.  It is a favor that exists simply because they exist and it is one that is not earned.

Tangible affirmation reminds children that they are valued.  Years ago, when my children were in early elementary school, I cross-stitched a verse that said “Children, the most precious gift”.  It was framed as the focal point between two old-fashioned art prints of children and hung as a unit over the sofa in the living room.  Placed there, it held place of significance in our home and served to remind the children that they were important to us.  This framed art remained as the central focus during their teenage years.  Although they are now young adults and living on their own, I’ve decided that the framed art and cross-stitched message remains.  No matter what the age, children are a blessing and it is our responsibility as parents to affirm this to them always.
Blessings are words of affirmation and love spoken to another.  When a parent speaks these words and then exhibits them by action or deed, the child is blessed beyond measure.  Gary Smalley and John Trent speak of the five elements of the blessing in their book by the same title.  These elements are a meaningful touch, a spoken message, the attachment of high value to the one being blessed, the creation of a word picture of the special future perceived to the one being blessed, and an active commitment to fulfill the blessing.  Although all parents can share the blessing with their children, the homeschool parent has a greater opportunity to pass this blessing along to their off-spring simply because of the dedicated amount of time he or she spends with them.  The creation of a warm and responsive environment facilitates a positive sense of self-worth in children, blesses them, and helps them develop intellectually and to his or her full potential.

Today, thank God for the special opportunity He has given you to homeschool your children.  And don’t forget to give your children an extra hug and words of affirmation!  They are His gift.