Encouragement & Child Behavior

"Encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child rearing. It is so important that the lack of it can be considered the basic cause for misbehavior. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Each child needs continuous encouragement, just as a plant needs water. He cannot grow and develop and gain a sense of belonging without encouragement."

Rudolf Dreikurs, child psychiatrist

A Child's Contact with Nature

Edith Schaeffer has always been one of my favorite authors. Recently I discovered that her gift for writing was passed along to her daughter, Susan. In her book For the Children's Sake she reminds us to give our children many opportunities to spend time in nature. And I love how she says it!

"Although we should give a child access to varied creative work by other people, how about seeing that he grows up with as much daily access as possible to his Lord's created works? The Bible is a direct verbal word. But we have a place also for other ways of knowing Him, for "the heavens declare the glory of God."

"Do the children know the feel of dew-fresh grass on their bare feet, and lush freshness of the shade of a leafy tree on a hot afternoon? Do they know the fun of autumn leaves, and the fairy-tale beauty of an icy morning? Wherever the child lives in the world, we should consider his contact with nature as part of his life."

Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, For the Children's Sake
page 85

String Theory

I have always appreciated Dr. Kay Kuzma's string theory for promoting obedience and good behavior in children. Here it is:

"Children are like strings; they tend to resist when they feel pushed or forced into doing something. Once they start to resist, the tendency of most parents it to push them all the more, to threaten, to manipulate, to force, and to punish. And the consequence is, the more you push, the more powerless the child feels, and therefore more rebellious."

"There may be times you think pushing or forcing a child results in compliance. But in too many cases it's like the little boy whose dad told him to sit down in church. When the boy kept jumping up, his dad physically pushed the kid into his seat with the command 'I said to sit down!' The little boy sat there, but a few minutes later he could be heart muttering, 'I may be sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside!'"

"Outward compliance accomplished by force doesn't necessarily mean inner compliance, and sooner or later inner defiance causes outward defiance!"

"The key to diminishing a child's stubborn resistance is to remember just how much children and strings are alike. If you push them in the direction you want them to go, they won't do it."

Kay Kuzma, Easy Obedience
page 50

Give it a try! Use the string strategy and don't push. Pull them along by encouraging words instead!

Consistency

"Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next."

Franklin P. Jones

Fostering Independence

"The fastest road to furthering independence in your children is total attention to the needs of your children in their dependent years."

Herbert Ratner

A Sense of Wonder

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.

One way to open your eyes is to ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?"

The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction.

Rachel Carson

Homeschool Formula

As a new school year starts for many, it seems timely to review the core "recipe" for homeschooling. I have always appreciated the one by Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore, early advocates of home education. Here's their recipe for home-school teaching:

"The requirements are not complex. Parents need only to be loving, responsive, and reasonably consistent, and salt these qualities with a little imagination, common sense, and willingness to follow a few simple suggestions...And don't worry about the opinions of neighbors who don't know or care about the real needs of children. Just be kind to them. Have your children be helpful in your home and in the neighborhood. Visit the old and infirm and ill. Do favors for others without asking any in return. Soon your 'strange antics' will be forgotten...or admired." 

They remind us that:

• "In one sense you are teaching all your waking moments --- as models to your offspring. Yet while some parents are more diligent than others, none need to formally teach a full school day."

And continue with this:

• "Much more important is your working with your children in physical work, helping them learn practical skills and the nobility of work --- building character qualities of initiative, industry, neatness, order, responsibility, and dependability, which are hard to find in even one of ten children or young adults today."

And there's more!

• "Along with these grosser values you can by precept and example teach manners and graces which today are rare --- kindness, thoughtfulness, tact, forgiveness, generosity, and a just plain kind of for-others love. This is seldom done in schools these days. Teach therm how to walk tall, how to listen closely, how to speak graciously. Paul was not gesturing idly when he wrote Philippians 4:8, 'Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report;...think on these things.'"

Using the Moore Formula of work, study, and service, children have been found to excel academically and socially. For more on this subject, it's recommended that you establish your foundation and philosophy for homeschooling by reading several of the books Raymond and Dorothy Moore have written on homeschooling. 

The quotes above are from the book "Home-Spun Schools" page 12 - 13.

Teachable Parents

"Blessed are those parents who are teachable, for knowledge brings understanding, and understanding brings love."

Old Union Reminder

Furthering Independence

"The fastest road to furthering independence in your children is total attention to the needs of your children in their dependent years."

Herbert Ratner

Quality of Family Life

"Parents must decide what quality of family life they will have and then use the necessary discipline to accomplish this. Otherwise life will push the family in diverse directions, and they will be victims rather than disciples.

Gladys Hunt
Hondy for a Child's Heart